I’ve been playing Final Fantasy quite a bit lately, only because I’m an insomniac and playing a game I’ve beaten so many times over the years will most likely make me pass out. (Found this out while in the middle of a Metal Gear Solid marathon. How embaressing having your roommate wake you up since he heard the same Codec Conversation forty-seven times)
So last couple of nights, after tinkering around with the class/party system and finally embarking on my quest, I did the normal fight the imp battles, get some gold and buy magic, since that’s the only TRUE way to kill any monster. Eventually I did go up to the Shrine of Chaos only because getting to level 20 made it seem a bit worthless to just keep killing the pixies you encounter.
Well I kill Garland and then save Princess Sarah. At this point, I’m asking myself, if four guys can kill a supposed “UBER” soldier like Garland, then why didn’t the massive onslaught of Soldiers sent by the “distraught” king kill him? My assumption is that the only reason why, is that the Knights just figured that Garland and Sarah where lovers and they didn’t want to impede on thier little love fest so they went AWOL and the King just figured they all died.
But that’s besides the point, I kill Garland rescue the princess and what is my reward? A lute… Now when I say lute, what do people think of? It sounds like Flute so one must assume that it’s like a Fife. You would be wrong. In the original Final Fantasy, the item screen makes it look like a jar, so as a child I assumed that it was Potpurri. Wrong again. It’s a harp…. Yes, I saved the princess and she gives me a freaking Harp. Sure , it’s important to the last part of the quest, but it’s like she decided to give a family Heirloom to a bunch of guys that killed your potential husband.
The King on the other hand decides to go overkill and what does he present me. Is it all the gold in the store room? Is it the access to his armory and his black smith will embed powerful magic into my weapons? No, he builds me a bridge. Not just any Bridge, but a bridge in my honor. Okay, thanks but I’m sure I could have crossed the channel by a boat or something.
And in spite of all this, I’m still hoping that I’ll get some money or some powerful magic sword or armor, but all I get from these people is a simple fairwell and told to “bugger off”. Thanks a lot guys. (hope you catch my little word fix there because I’m getting tired of being kicked out of the IRC… You know who you are)
Now, you cross the bridge and go to the closest town which has been taken over by pirates. At least these guys are cool and understand the concept of reward, becuase once your slaughter his crew, the head pirate decides to give you his boat. Yes, I kill his crew and he gives me a boat. Maybe I mis-spoke, because that’s got to be the most ass-backwards way to handle situations. I slaughter your team and you give me a boat.
Skipping ahead, in case you don’t know how it goes, you have to retrieve a crystal ball from some dark elf guy, so that the witch up north can see again. How the hell that happened it’s beyond me but it’s true, a continent away and he steals her seeing eye glass. Blows my mind. But anyways, in the original Final Fantasy, she gives you an Herb to wake up a sleeping prince. I’m fine with that, but in the Remakes you get JOLT Tonic. Yes, she gives you an energy drink to give the prince. If I knew that I would have gone to the local Stewarts and got a case of red bull and a monster. I’m sure that would have had the same effect somehow.
Now, while there are several other plot points in this game that involve items that have no point in themselves or just are plain stupid, there is one that takes the cake. You just got the airship and you’re zipping around like an insane Pilot on Cocaine, and you land on a small Archipelligo that has the king of Dragons, Bahamut in it. He provides the task to retrieve an item from the Castle of Trials, so that you’ll prove your worth and augement your powers. You fight a whole bunch of monsters and beefed up baddies in the hope that this is all worth it. (It’s not trust me) You get to the end and fight the boss monster. Opening the treasure chest and you get what you sought after: A Rat’s Tail.
HOW THE HELL CAN A RAT’S TAIL PROVE THAT YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO RECEIVE AN AUGMENTATION FROM BAHUMUT? Really… I know Symbolism and all that other crap but really? It’s like saying I made it to the top of a mountain and there was nothing there. Further more, the Class up does more harm then good in the long run. You can’t hit level fifty at it’s fullest when you are soupped up, so you might as well just stay the smaller class till you hit fifty.
Viktor's Entrance to INSANTIY! 
joshwoodzell Said:
on December 4, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Haha, good stuff. Now start posting “Let’s Slays”!
carlmarksguy Said:
on February 18, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I think it’s like, Bahamut knows what’s in that treasure chest.
If you opened the treasure chest, YOU know what’s in that treasure chest.
So if you go up to him and say, “here’s a giant golden sculpture of Link punching Mike Tyson in the kidneys, this proves I went to the Temple of Ordeal”, Bahamut would kick your ass.
The question is: does Bahamut know what Barry and Levon are going to do with that puddin’?