Archive for Life

My Many Faces

{ February 17, 2010 @ 1:24 am } · { Life, Love }
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I’m the sort that isn’t trusting. Never have been never will be. The reason being is because when I trust someone, it always ends up that the person I trust often isn’t a very trust worthy person. As a result, I will give you a false identity about myself, or in theatrical terms, a Persona. The catch is that if I trust you I’m who I am and in my many forms then you are one of the few that can really see me.

Now, the reason why I write this is because I’m always being asked why I’m so angry all the time or why I have such a scowl on my face or so full of hate. The answer is simple, I do that because frankly I’d rather not get thrown into the great spectrum of Drama that seemingly always plagues this planet. If I want to talk to you then I’ll talk to you and be done with it. Thing is though, that no one wants to hear what I say and while my info could be fruitful, I’m always looked at as the lovable idiot. Heh… that’s another persona that is over used in my life and I always hate it. Think I enjoy being called Muff? Not really but since that’s all I’m really known by up here and as such, I let people call me it. If I really wanted to, I could start a campaign to get my name back to what it is, but why put up with something when people already know by that? Heh again another Persona of mine in full flux.

I guess that really didn’t answer the big question as to why I’m typing this up, which sounds like a confession when it’s not meant to be, or maybe it’s because I regret things that most people would regret and the little pangs of my humanity are still with me. Yes, I tend to dislocate myself from humanity because well let’s face it, all my life I’ve been on the outside acting as an observer and I’m detached from everyone else. Try roping me in and see what happens, most of my friends can vouch for the fact that I don’t do well in large groups.

I guess the reason why I write this is for what most males write about anything: a female. Hell, cliched as it may be, but frankly no one can break from the cliched truth’s of life and such. So be it, blame the women out there for being so cruel into making me wear these different faces but it happens. I don’t fear them, I just fear the games that they play on me. Apparently I can be a great guy but in the long run a great guy means nothing to them. I can recall every date in time when I was called a great guy and super nice and really amazing, but not once did it feel real or anything. It’s forced or sympathy or whatever. Still, I find it comical that you all think it’s doing me a benefit that you say I’m a nice guy, do any of you reflect it on to something or someone else?

I was educated last semester by an amazing teacher. His philosophy seemed like if you do something nice for a person, later in life he’ll return the favor onto someone else and create a cycle that in hopes of one man’s act of kindness will perpetuate through the generations. I like to think that’s the way it should work but it’s pure that it doesn’t, but I can’t knock it because it’s a logical believe and hope.

I guess now I have to explain my recent actions on those on facebook, why I deleted people and blocked and did what I did. My actions were plain and simple, I am jaded. I wore a face of genuine concern and I did have a faith in it that I was doing something good. But apparently that’s never good enough for anybody. So I hear things and rumors and stories and I absorb it all and realize that I’ve been a fool. To think I trusted people only to get slapped back in the face with a fist of reality, while not as strong as a SOUL PUNCH, it makes me bitter and jaded… I give up, unless you talk to me directly you wouldn’t get a real answer and I’d only hope that my persona doesn’t confuse you much more then it commonly does.

I’d say I’m sorry for some, but for others… and you know who you are because of the games after the fact you’ve been playing to make my life a living hell only prompts me to resent you even more, but those that I actually do still care about, I apologize. But since you don’t even care to discuss it with me, then this falls upon deaf ears. Better deaf then none in my book…

“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.“

The Two Faced Syndrome

{ February 16, 2010 @ 3:34 am } · { Life, Women }
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You know… I’ve tried to be a nice guy all my life. Frankly I always thought it was my finer points, I treat people nicely and hopefully it becomes right. Yet at the same time I’m a very bitter and jaded kind of person. So much so that when someone plays a game with me, that I adopt another persona, one I’m more sure of myself with and one that makes me feel no emotions. Is it wrong for me to enjoy or be more comfortable in this alter ego? I don’t think so, only because when I become that other self, can I really see the world for what it is. Even better, I see people at their “Finest” and the truths behind them.

A while ago, I became friends with a particular female, which I respect as a close friend. This in mind, why does it seem that when a guy is friends with a lady, there are others out there that seem to think that I’ve got ulterior motives? I find it fricken hilarious that I’m apparently this evil person that is out to cause harm and chaos amongst them. Heh… If I’m evil, I wouldn’t be as cliched. See that’s my alter ego coming out. What really gets me though is that while I’m not doing that, because I’m not that kind of person. She’s a friend and while I enjoy her company, I’m not one to be like “Oh you’re engaged, too bad”. That’s bull S#!T in my book because that’s some of the lowest low.

In addition to this, I’m also finding the actions of these people to be in poor taste because prior to this they tried to “befriend” me which it takes a bit of consideration. Case in point, when you clearly define yourself as a bitch, then I’ll treat you as one and not believe a single goddamned word you have to say, providing me the reason to not trust a damn word you said. Further more, when I read the kind of person you are, along with the actions you do (Look at that, you’re telling me that you are sleeping with X amount of guys, have four different sex toys, loves to get drunk, sleep with a guy you have no interest in, cry rape and thinks it’s alright because you’re a lady) I can’t help but laugh. You’re ego is killing me but at least my ego can be a dick and counter all your crap.

I get it in comparison if I really offended you but since you people love to play games, then I love to turn the tables into my favor. Now don’t get me wrong, there are good people out there,  but frankly people that toy with emotions and play games aren’t exactly mature, but then again, I’m stuck at a college where the population of ladies are more children and idiots then respectable citizens of some sorts.

So does this make me a terrible human being? Probably, but at least when I’m bitter and jaded, I can see what’s what and be able to prevent myself from being hurt… heh, even so I’m still liable to hold a grudge for life but I don’t care. In the words of Jotaro Kujo “You pissed me off”… that’s all folks.

Final Fantasy: Part 1: Two kingdoms and a Lich

{ December 21, 2009 @ 9:26 pm } · { Final Fantasy, Life, Random, Uncategorized }
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So the first step in my series on Final Fantasy is to give you all a walkthrough with my comedic stylings (if you can call it comedic).

So in the beginning there is… a blue screen. Yes this blue screen is supposed to apply the back drop to the fate of humanity and the world in despair. The world is dying and instead of stopping their use of carbon emitting products, the people put thier faith into something more paper thin then the kyoto protocol to solve thier problems, a prophecy. Yes they put the fate of mankind into the hands of a vision that some old guy wearing a goofy hat developed all on his own.

The prophecy entailed was the involvement of four young adventurers will appear and save us all. Where they appear from, no one knows… I’d like to think they were four people from the different towns and cities on the world but since this game is lacking on anything that involves a direct story, then hey for all I know they could just have been living with a pack of wolves this whole time.

So they appear in the world outside of the most major city/kingdom, Corneria, with enough money to barely supply the travlers of Manifest Destiny and the whim that you have an idea as to where the hell you are supposed to go. Naturally being an RPG, you are supposed to talk to the random people in the town and castle. Ultimately the king explains his most “loyal” knight, Garland, kidnapped his daughter , princess Sarah, and fled to the Chaos Shrine/Temple. Anything involving the name Chaos, is sure to be fun filled and joyous, am I right?

So, after journeying north to the Shrine/Temple you are greeted by Garland, who surprisingly doesn’t look as “Christmassy” as his name sounds. Instead he looks like Satan’s little S & M buddy planning to ransom the princess back to the king. Why would anyone want to sell something they stole back to the person they stole it from?

They fight the most powerful knight in the king’s kingdom, the knight who slaughtered many of the kings soldiers, all just for the princess. And you know what the kicker is? He is killed by four children wielding the magic and swords they bought with whatever money they could scrape together.

After blacking out and waking up in the kings throne room, you talk to the king and princess you get two items which I’m sure people who read my rant about before, a lute and a bridge. Now what?

Well because I’m a genious when it comes to random guessing in these RPG’s, you must head east to a town called Provakka where the men are wussies and the women are VD ridden. This is all because of the Pirates in the town running wild.

The pirates, led by Bikke, are not of the Pirates of the Carribean kind, because once you talk to them, they’ll try to kill you instead of dancing a merry tromp around you. Bikke is even a bigger wussy because he forces his nine pirate mates to come forth and fight. These guys make the Imps you fought on the first Continent seem like Behemoths. Needless to say, you beat them and Bikke gives you one of the most worth while items in the whole game, at least until you get the airship. He gives you his boat, which will take you across the sea to Elfheim… I wonder what’s there.

 So heading south, you arrive at the port north of elfheim where you hear that the prince has been zonked out by the evil Astos and nothing will wake him, not even when the prince’s loyal servant when he mounts him and… wait no that’s the porn I watched the other night. So you get the idea to wander around this dangerous continent and eventually you find the northern keep. Well you could just goto the Marshe Cave where you get the crown first, but you don’t get to hear the Ridiculus tale that the king there gives you about how his land and followers were killed by Astos and how the Crown will bring it back to it’s former glory… I somehow doubt it, but okay. Travel west to the Marshe Cave, where you fight the hardest monsters you will encounter so far, because they don’t tell you that sometimes the Muk or the Slime monsters are weak to magic and not susceptable to physical attacks. This in mind, your best bet is to run, unless you are ballsy enough to fight every monster you cross.

Run down a bunch of stairs and climb down rope ladders, you will eventually find the holding place of the crown guarded by a bunch of wizards, which these guys are nothing but a pain in the ass. Kill them and you get the Crown, but step on the square again, then you get to fight the wizards again. Leave the cave and then go to the Northern Keep again, give the crown to the king only to “SHOCKER” realize that the king was really Astos, which incidently thinks he can control the world with the crown and Matoya’s crystal Ball… Okay, this may be a game but I think this is strectching it way to much, how could a crown and a Crystal Ball be used to take over the world? This has to be one of the most plot’s an evil elf could come up with. Further more, how the hell could he take the Crystal Ball from a witch on the other side of the planet?  I apparently have the only ship in the world, so that takes the theory of boarding a ship as a stowaway…

Fight Astos, while being careful of his only insta-kill attack and you get the Crystal Ball. Give the ball to Matoya, who is living in a cave on the north-eastern part of the second continent. She gives you a Herb, which you then give to the Prince who wakes up. The prince gives you a key, which will open any door, making you travel back to Corneria where there were two locked doors to begin with. Inside there is some TNT, which you are supposed to give to Derrickt… Who the hell is Derrickt and why the hell are you giving him any kind of explosive? So you are supposed to go North-West to the port, where you then get off the port. Then travelling west you’ll come to a cave. ENTER…

You are now in the Dwarves cave. With your TNT, give it to Derrickt who is in the southern most part of the cave. He’s trying to make a canal. So you give him the explosives and he blows up the canal. When this first happened, I thought water was going to rush in… no, nothing happens, in fact if you travel down to where he blew up the hole, there is nothing there. Fantastic.

Leave the cave (after stealing whatever you can in the cave. I love how these games allow you to steal from the citizens in the world) and you can now travel freely to the outer world. First stop Melmond where, after talking to the hicks, they apparently have been suffering an attack from a Vampire, stealing the health from the Earth. Okay, now this game is starting to fall into line with the opening blue screen of boringness.

Going west then south on to a peninsula, you will find the Cave of Earth. This Cave is going to test your mettle since unless your characters are beefy, the monsters here will eat you up and shit you out in five seconds flat. Going down the cave, and fighting more and more monsters, you eventually come across the vampire, who’s just standing there in his little room, like he’s working on something big. In reality, he’s just standing there guarding his Ruby. Fight him and you get the ruby in the treasure chest. Go out the side door and check out the plate on the ground. FORESHADOWING. So you leave the cave and hope that you have enough health to do so. Go Northwest to another cave, where a giant is. Apparently giants in this world loves to eat rocks, and  ruby’s are the tastiest. Makes sense, if you did cocaine…

So you go and talk to some sage in another cave where he apparently foresaw you coming. If he foresaw this, then why couldn’t he have told me that I was going back into the cave of Earth. You travel back down going to the location of the vampire. Using the magic rod the sage gave you, break the plate that is on the ground. Continue downwards, you eventually fight the main cause of the Earth’s decay. It’s apparently the cause of a being called Lich.

Now in most nerdy fantasy books and other games, a lich is a being that attaches thier soul to something else, so when their physical body is destroyed, they can be easily resurrected. Way before Harry Potter and Voldemort did his little Soul Cruxes deal thing… there was the lich. Well this lich doesn’t follow the common rules, instead you just beat the living hell out of him.

Using a combination of Holy spells and FIRE, you will kill Lich like nothing. Just keep hitting him and he’s dead, no ressurection like it’s expected, just he dies and the Earth starts to be revitalized…. That was a no-brainer…

Part 2 to come soon.

I’m dark and brooding… Also Suikoden rocks

{ December 15, 2009 @ 1:49 am } · { Life, Suikoden }
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There comes a time in every boy’s life where they start to rage out against the man and “Establishment”. Often times they goto music to seek solace and hope that they will be accepted for the kind of stuff they listened to.

Me? I went through that phase and instead of following the trend of listening to Cobain, I went the route of Primus, Rage Against the Machine and anything off of OCRemix.org. This kind of gave me a good balance amongst the music perspective and overall made me a better person.

Now what the hell does this have to do with anything? Well I’m raging here. Emo music has begun to take control of the angst filled people out there, making them self-loathing sacks of depression and anger. So what’s the cure for that? They result in playing cutter because the music makes them “so depressed” that they “no longer want to live” which is a crock of bullshit.

Funny story, angst filled girl in my high school, decides that emo music is her life. She dresses in black, gets black make-up and his piercings all over her body. Hmm… doesn’t this sound the least bit familiar? Call her goth and she’ll “assault you with interperative dance” or rather, she’ll mind f***you. Or maybe she’ll just cut herself and say “the pain is love”. Sorry, not that funny of a story, but true ones don’t get the laughs they deserve.

This brings me to my main point. What the hell is wrong with people to think that to off themselves is the best thing to do in their lives? That’s simply idiotic. It’s like saying my glass is full, but I’ll hit it with a hammer because I didn’t want water but I wanted soda. Is life that bad that you want yourself gone? Okay, how about this then, you “assassinate” yourself, and we get some homeless or poor child to move in your place, because if you don’t want to live your life then I’m sure they’ll take it because they have so much less then you.

Seriously, emo people you piss me way the f*** off. What’s next, go with a classic hiri-kiri in the parking lot? Wait, Bob Barker already said that? Whoops! Don’t want to get sued.

One thing I’ve been up to lately was playing Suikoden on my PSP. Now I’m sure everyone has had that rage where Suikoden II is so freaking expensive that you have to whack the owner and steal it. Well… not exactly….

Anyways I’ve been addicted to it again because it brings back fantastic memories of my youth and playing that game, but something isn’t right. No, when I play this I find myself analyzing the be-jesus out of it. Seriously, this game feels only half-finished. Follow me here:

A) The story isn’t done. Now Normally I’d say that the story is perfect, but I just completed it and it feels like there could be so much more said about the story. Main point, the emperor is made out to be a benevolent being all through out who has been corrupted by the dark witch Windy. Well, yeah. That makes sense, Golbez from Final Fantasy IV was being controlled by Zemus and Revolver Ocelot was being possessed by Liquid Snakes Right Arm… well not really but, that would have been cooler… making it seem that you have to fight the witch to free the emperor and restore peace to the land. No, not Suikoden… instead the emperor is meant to die, because… wait for it… SUIKODEN IS A ROMANCE NOVEL. Every aspect of it is a romance story with magic and elves.  The Emperor loves Windy, Windy loves power, The hero loves peace and Gremio loves stew. Simply put every scene you are supposed to put Fabio in it and add some moments so the girls out there will get all giggly. When Odessa dies, Flik is heart broken, blah blah blah, so he kills people and is angry… Romance Material? I suppose so, only because I’ve never read any romance novels, unless you count Wizard and Glass. Oh and the Emperor kills himself and Windy… there I might have saved you time or ruined your day.

B) The Combat system is promising, and when you have the unite system rocking it’s great. Provides the player with a seemingly endless possibilities of parties, but when you find out you can have different magic users unite with their best attacks, you will undoubted pee your pants with awesomeness. Yet, to find out which ones work is like hell in a hand basket.  Basic ones like Fire and wind, Electricity and Wind, Earth and Fire, Wind and Water almost always work, but in the game it’s said you can combine three of them together to “Break the heavens”… I’ve tried every f****** possibility and NONE OF THEM WORK. It’s teasing you by saying it works, but when you try it and waste your time, it doesn’t. If anyone can figure this one out tell me…. please…

C) That damn staircase in the great forest. So apparently there is a rumor saying in the Japanese version that you had to fight the shop owner or something and there was a grandma monster thing or something in the ceiling like the limbless Producer from Audition. Thing is, there is no clear answer and it’s obvious that it was meant for something, the makers just said no and either didn’t complete it or left it out. I’m sorely disappointed.

Overall I’m not going to complain about the game because it’s an awesome series regardless.

I’m still working on Day Dreamin’ Davey Let’s slay along with my Pog Review… I’m just over worked with school so bare with me people…